Expressing Yourself!

Expression - is a thought that is communicated to self or others by the means of a language. Now, language does not necessarily mean the spoken language. A person can express themselves in various ways - by their writing, dancing, poetry, music, singing, artwork, etc.

A person might think that expression comes naturally. How difficult can it be to express yourself to others? For some it might just come naturally; for others not so much. Well, for me it has always been very difficult.

I am one of those individuals who has trouble expressing herself to others. There have been hundreds of incidents in my life where I have not been able to express what I truly feel inside of me. As a result, whatever I want to say to others always stays inside of me. I would like to express myself to others and tell them how I feel but for some reason it does not happen. In the end, it leaves me feeling frustrated, upset and angry. I feel anger at myself and others. Anger that I was not able to tell the other person how I felt and that the other person did not understand what I was trying to say. This raises a question in my mind - why am I not able to express myself to others easily? Now, that I am thinking of reasons on why I am not able to...a few come to my mind.

I believe that I am fearful of other people's judgements towards me. I feel that if I said something wrong then others would criticize me and say things about me that I do not like or do not want to hear. I think if someone said something that I do not like then I would be ashamed of myself and I will feel bad.  Therefore, in order to avoid that shame and bad feeling I do not say much.

Furthermore, I also hate conflicts and arguments. Thus, I keep quiet in order to avoid any disagreements whatsoever. I like to maintain peace near my surroundings. If there is an argument going on then I will either leave the room or try and dissolve the argument very quickly. I feel safer when there are no arguments going on. Why do I do not like conflicts? Hmm.....the word fear comes to my mind again. Fear is an intense emotion. I wonder what is the root cause of the emotion fear. I guess, I will have to dig deeper in my mind and try to recall situations which has a connection between conflicts and fear.

What happens to a person when he/she is not able to express themselves to others?
Well, speaking from experience - not being able to express yourself causes a lot of tension and anxiety. You might want to say something, to speak up; but you are not able to. It causes you to stuff your emotions inside of you. Which causes further irritation, frustration, anger, etc. If this continues for a long period of time it can turn into resentment and regrets. It can have devastating effects on you as well as your relationships. This vicious cycle will continue to play in your mind over and over again. The thoughts will stay inside of you since you never expressed them. This process can become chronic over time and can lead to physical and emotional symptoms.

So what can a person do in order for them to express themselves more easily?
A person can do many different things. I started writing in my journal which helps me put my thoughts on paper as well as get rid of any negative thoughts and emotions that have been bothersome. If you want to talk to someone and are scared, you can try and write them a letter or send an email. Just make sure it is appropriate. If you are really mad and want to write all sorts of things in the letter you can still do, just do not send them the letter. After writing the letter, destroy it.

Other things you can do are drawing, painting or make a sculpture. You can also make a list for yourself on what topics you want to discuss with the other person. If want to understand your own self - you can write a list for yourself. For example: I feel upset today....and start writing.

Do not put pressure on yourself. There is no right and wrong and there is no need to be perfect. It will come with time. Just start and it will flow with you.